I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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