Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
