Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
