There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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