i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Less talking, more tequila
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
