Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
