Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
