Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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