She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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