Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
its liver damage thursday
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
