so explain again why im purple
no
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
