drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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