I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
