I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
