why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
even my farts smell like vagina
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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