I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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