Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
