I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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