in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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