He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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