I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
pray to the hookup gods
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
