i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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