Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
