pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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