Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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