...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
