Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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