my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
