tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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