I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
