day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
