So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
