i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
