Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i think my cat just said my name.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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