First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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