its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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