I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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