i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
