I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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