I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
