He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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