my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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