My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
