she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
