so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
