everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
