so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
