Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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