Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
