Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
