He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
