woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
