what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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