Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
