saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
