a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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